Six months of wedded bliss!

1st Annual B-day Catanarama

Once upon a time on a cold and blustery Minnesota day a beautiful baby-girl was born. An unspecified number of years later we have been celebrating this joyous occasion with a special tournament playing the marvelous game by the name of Settlers of Catan; a multi-player boardgame from Germany. We REALLY like this game and jumped at the oppertunity to do some serious 'Catan-evangalism'.

Since we are known to have a version or two we went all out and setup 1 board in the front-living room (Std. Catan 2008, English), 2 boards on the Kitchen/Dining table (Std. Catan, German and Std. Catan, Dutch), 2 boards in the back-living room (Std. Catan, English and Catan - Travel edition) and in the basement - the big kahuna version of the game - the 5/6 player extended version of Catan combined with the 5/6 player extended version of Cities and Knights. Furthermore, we had 4 computers running, all displaying the computer-version of the game and we had a nice display of all the 2008 versions of the extensions and Catan, the card-game. In short, plenty of gaming oppertunities.

Since we had given ourselves the renewed 2008 versions of Catan and all the extensions we decided to christen it by playing the 2008 standard edition in the front-living room. Around 4pm the first number of guests arrived topping out around 8pm with 16 people playing on 4 different games at the same time. We made it a tournament by awarding points for every game played and bonus points for playing in either German or Dutch or playing the Cities and Knights version. At the end of the evening the top 4 got some 'fabulous' prices (see picture) courtesy of the Canton Salvation Army.

It turned out to be one of the most enjoyable and memorable birthdays Jen has ever had (granted, everything after 6 months becomes a little blurry...;-) but we had so much fun, we might make this a semi-annual or quarterly tournament...

We hope to see all of you at one or more of the future Arlington Road Catanaramas.

Two Babies

For the last several months, Niels and I have had two things on our mind: getting pregnant and celebrating Christmas with Dutch Dad and Mom. Two babies. Our baby and the Christ child.

Niels and I know that good things come to those who wait. In fact, Niels' wedding band is engraved with the words, "worth the wait." Almost five months into our marriage, I am certain that Niels was worth every minute of the 35 years, six months, and 14 days I waited to marry him.

Because of our age, we talked about our desire to start our family sooner rather than later. We were thrilled to discover we were pregnant in early October, just 11 weeks after we were married. Our joy was short lived, when we miscarried at 5 1/2 weeks. Niels has been such rock to me in our grief, allowing me my sad days and helping me remember all our blessings. One thing he said that has really helped my mindset is the reminder that God has blessed us with so much this year--travel, finding each other, the financial means to pay for a wedding and two homes all year. He had to save something for next year.

As November turned to December, Niels reminded me of this again. We thought if we were pregnant in December, we would tell his parents by putting notes in their stockings. When my period came, I was disappointed for the missed opportunity. They live 6,000 miles away and we won't see them until next Christmas. This would be their only time to see me pregnant with their first grandchild, even if I wasn't showing yet. I was feeling tired and sick all week and felt bad for not being where I wanted to be with all the holiday planning. I wanted everything to be perfect for our first Christmas together.

Friday morning when I woke up, I was bleeding. We called my OB and they said to go to the ER. It was a busy day, so we ended up being there from 11:30 to almost 9. They were a little worried about my blood pressure, which was 104/45. They took some blood and came back to tell us we were pregnant. We were shocked, excited and nervous. We're 5 1/2 weeks, exactly where we were when we miscarried on October 15.

They discharged me with a diagnosis of either a threatened miscarriage or early ectopic pregnancy. I had orders of bedrest for two days when they would check my HCG levels again. For two days my mind raced with the hope of a Christmas baby after all, and fear that I would miscarry again. In the meantime, our radio played a constant stream of songs about another Christmas baby.

Sunday morning we headed to hospital for my blood test. We waited at the lab for the results. We prayed for a big number. The level should be doubling daily at this point in a healthy pregnancy. But, much to our dismay, the number went down and we were told the baby was not viable. We're devastated, again, but we are together, and because it is not ectopic, I am safe.

Niels parents had their own troubles. Weather and customs delays caused them to miss the last leg of their flight, so instead of arriving on the 23rd, they arrived on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, their luggage has yet to arrive. But they are here and they are safe.

Last night we went to the Christmas Eve service. I was doing pretty well. The pain was tolerable for the moment, and I was able to focus on the service. But when we started singing songs about The Baby, I began to weep for our baby. Niels' mom leaned over, her own cheeks wet with tears, hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry." And after such loss, there really are no other words to say.

Losing two babies this year has changed my perspective of the Christmas story. I identify with Mary more than ever. And I understand the greatness of the Gift. I want so much to hold my babies. I want so much to nurture them in my womb. I want so much to hear their cries as they enter this world. I believe that all life is sacred, and so I celebrate the very short lives they lived.
God didn't give us the son we wanted for Christmas, but He gave us His Son. I wouldn't willingly give up my babies, but God gave up His Son, for the greater good, and the gift of That Baby is life that never ends.

sleep in heavenly peace, little ones

Our First Co-Authorship

In my ongoing effort to learn my dear husband's native tongue, tonight we translated the poem from the beginning of my book into Dutch. So for my new Dutch family, this is for you:

- de uitbarsting-

scheiding
is als een sterke aardbeving
de wereld schud
gevoed door woede
en alle boosheid
schuld
en frustraties
zo lang broedend
onder de oppervlakte
spuit dan plotseling omhoog
in een inferno van haat
of onverschilligheid...
soms
is de wereld kalm
en je denkt
dat het schudden voor bij is
rustig
stabiel
maar dan begint de cyclus opnieuw
opnieuw
opnieuw
opnieuw
je bent vermoeid
je wilt rusten
en dat is wanneer je realiseerd
dat het schudden gestopt is
maar
er is een angstaanjagend gevoel
hangend in de lucht
je aarzelt
om nooit meer iets te geloven
je bent zo moe
en na zolang worstelen
rust je daarom
op het laatste stukje stabiel land
om ook dat in tweeen verdeelt te zien worden
twee
aparte
verschillende
delen
die nooit meer
opnieuw samenkomen
elk nieuw deel
een gedeelte van jouw
en onder je ogen
drijven ze uiteen

- Jen Abbas,
achttien jaar

And for my English reading audience:

-the eruption-

divorce
is like a trembling earthquake
the world shakes
rumbling with rage
and all the anger
guilt
and frustrations
that have been festering for so long
below the surface
suddenly spew upward
in an inferno of hate
or apathy…
at times
the earth calms
and you think
the turmoil is over
settled
stable
but
then the cycle begins again
repeating
repeating
repeating
you are weary
you want to rest
and that is when you realize
the shaking has stopped
but
there is an eerie feeling
lurking in the air
you are hesitant to believe
anything
anymore
you are so tired
after struggling for so long
and so you rest
on the one last solid patch of land
only to watch it split in two
two
separate
distinct
parts
that will never
come together
again
each new patch
supports part of you
and as you watch
they pull away.

-Jen Abbas,
age eighteen

Happy Anniversary, Dutch Mom & Dad!

Today is Dutch Dad and Mom's 38th wedding anniversary! Congrats! We love you!

The Year in Review: Christmas 2007 Edition

Christmas 2007

Dear Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas from the newly formed de Jong family, American edition!!! It’s been a pretty wonderful year for us, with a few obligatory bumps along the road of wedded bliss. Here’s the China-friendly recap:

January
2007 began with Niels and Jen on different continents, neither of which being North America. Jen was in China visiting her much loved, much missed adopted family, The Kennedys. At the same time, Niels, with growing affection for Jen, decided that Christmas in the States without Jen would be too lonely, so he headed to the Netherlands to spend the holidays with his family. And Dad was at work. Jen was still a little gun shy about the whole marriage thing (she’s head-injured, so a little slow to recognize a good thing when he’s right in front of her!) A day after Jen arrived in China, an earthquake hit Taiwan, knocking out all internet connection to the States. Literally, the ONE person in the world Jen could reach outside China was Niels. Even before Jen told her parents she was dating someone, Niels got to contact them to let them know Jen was safe in China. By the time both Niels and Jen were on American soil again, they knew there would be no more Christmas’ apart. Yay!

February
February was a flood of activity and planning. Though not officially engaged yet, Niels and Jen began planning their future together--all while trying to keep the world’s worst kept secret--starting with a sparkly shiny token on Niels’ love. Jen’s ring was purchased in February though it would be a while before it made the trip to her finger. Jen’s mom braved the winter snow to meet Niels and give her approval. She arrived just in time to check out the other big purchase of the month: our new home in North Canton, Ohio. We finished up the month by heading up to Canada to introduce Jen to many of Niels’ friends, including his future best man, Joel and his lovely bride, Carolyn.

March
Jen and Niels started the month with a weekend at FamilyLife’s marriage conference. We took the pre-married version and Niels made Jen proud by asking all the married guys for advice. We continued our tradition of travel and headed off to Europe for Jen’s first trip to Germany, Luxembourg, Belgium, The Netherlands and France. She had a great time learning about Dutch language and culture through immersion, but of course, the highlight of the trip came March 20, when Niels proposed to Jen in a purple flower garden at the foot of the Eiffel Tower.

April
Now that she was officially betrothed, Jen decided to finally, officially, move to Ohio. Our good friends, the Prices, were kind enough to put a roof over her head. Bailey’s too. It was an emotional trip for Jen, driving away in the Penske truck. She has many happy memories in Grand Rapids and she misses her friends very much. We try to get back up there as much as we can. Now the wedding plans began in earnest, with the most important part being our
pre-marriage counseling with Pastor Jeff. What a great time!

May
In May we made the trip to Minnesota for our first wedding shower. Niels continued to meet more and more of Jen’s family, including her adorable nephew and godson, CJ. He proudly showed the couple all his treasures with a loud, “TA DA!” We sure wish that cutie was a little closer! Also in the spring, we hosted our first houseguests, the Handys.

June
In June, we were showered again, this time in Michigan. The rest of the month was flurry of preparation for THE BIG DAY!

July
We started the month with our last shower, this one with our Ohio friends, timed perfectly to also include THE KENNEDYS, home for a month after their first year in China. We’re sure other things happened in July, but the most important is OUR WEDDING, on July 29. It was an unseasonably warm day, in the mid-90s, so we were all radiant. We have so many special memories of that day and are incredibly grateful for the guests who came from seven states and four countries (three continents) to celebrate with us.

August
Is there a better way to start a new month (and marriage) than on a sunny Caribbean island? We don’t think so. We spent an amazing week in Curacao, an island in the Dutch Antilles, just North of Venezuela. It’s described as Arizona on the beach, and we think that’s just about right. After we arrived home, our family was finally all living under the same roof: Niels, Jen and our Shih Tzu, Bailey. Bailey was a great help in unwrapping our presents, especially the tissue paper and bubble wrap. Thank you so much for the generous gifts that make our house a home.

September
Once again, we traveled this month. We took Bailey on the longest road trip of her life, to Vermont, where we witnessed our friends Sean & Jessica say, “I DO!” It was actually the second wedding we attended together, both as a married couple. The first was our friends Jon & Penny, just two weeks after ours. The end of the month found us making our first major decision as a couple. After much Thought and really cool “Coincidences,” we made the decision to spend our Sunday Gatherings at a new place, RiverTree. It’s much like Jen’s former place in Grand Rapids, so we feel right at home. Best of all, we’ve met a wonderful group of friends. One of our new friends actually told Jen about a job that was right up her alley: 5-7 hours a week at the bookstore/library. After sixteen months, Jen is employed! (And it kicks her butt…in a good way).

October
October was a difficult month for us. It started off well, with the exciting news that we were expecting!!! Our joy was short lived when we miscarried our precious one on October 15. We named her “Jo,” for Just Ours. While Jen was with the doctor, they found a 6cm lump on her right breast. It took several rounds of tests and many anxious weeks before we received the relieving all clear. Thanks, Dad!

November
American dad visited in November and helped Jen do what she’s been putting off for much too long: apply for Disability. We are grateful for the many hours Jen’s dad spent poring over legal and medical papers and making LOTS of copies, and especially for taking Jen to the office to officially file. We spent Thanksgiving in Arizona with Jen’s mom and Gramma. Niels was quickly put to work with all the “man jobs,” but he received his reward in good ol’ fashioned Minnesota cooking, warm winter temperatures, and an amazing day with Jen road tripping to the Grand Canyon. Wow!

December
As we write this, the first snow is gently falling. Soon it will be the first Sinterklaas Day for Jen and then the first American Christmas for Niels. We’re looking forward to a second visit from Niels’ parents. We figure we must have been really good for them to come over from Holland twice this year. Last weekend we put up our first tree and under it lies our first Christmas gift to each other: the 2008 updated version of CATAN!

Travel:
States: AZ, CO, MI, MN, NH, NY, OH, PA, VT
Countries: Belgium, Canada, China, Curacao, France, Germany, Luxembourg, and The Netherlands

Plans for the New Year…
• Single-home ownership
• Becoming parents
• Christmas in Holland
• Trips to…

Top 5 Things We Like To Do:
1. Play Catan, Ticket to Ride, Phase 10, and Gin 13 (Thanks, Gramma)
2. Travel
3. Be Together
4. Watch “Big Bang Theory,” “How I Met Your Mother” and “Chuck”
5. Watch DVDs on the big screen at home and at church

My husband rocks

My husband rocks
exhibit #76,842

I'm sick. I hate being sick. Fortunately, I'm not sick and home alone. My amazing husband is here. Since I've been sick on Thursday night with this creepy crud, Niels woke up early on Friday so he could get into work early, and thus, come home early. I slept. All. Day. Long. Niels came home and I was able to wake up enough to watch The Little Mermaid with him. All typical wonderful husband stuff. But today, Niels really showed his A game.

Our original plan for this weekend was to get some things done around the house. But, knowing that what I really needed was rest, Niels got up and made me breakfast in bed. Later he brought me some nice soothing tea.

We've spent the rest of the day in the guest room (where there's a TV) resting, eating chicken soup and ice cream and watching "America's Next Top Model." (I don't know why reality tv and VH1 documentaries are my go-to shows when I'm sick).

A short while ago, I noticed it was time for me to hit the shower for the first time in three days. I was not looking or smelling my best, and yet, I'm watching "America's Next Top Model" with my husband. Obviously, I'm not feeling well. And yet, in my sickly state, my husband rolls over, gives me a sweet kiss and says, "You're more beautiful to me than any of the women on that show."

Sigh...I love my husband.