Hope

Thursdays are always a good day. It's the one day I'm guaranteed to venture out. I've made some mommy friends at "booby class," my mother-in-law's name for my breastfeeding support group. Even though I'm exclusively pumping now, I'm still welcome to hang with my mommy friends. Today we're having a potluck and scrapbooking afternoon. I really want to scrapbook, but have a hard time getting started so I think I will mostly observe and mooch ideas from the others who know what they are doing today.

I was thinking about what I might what to scrapbook--our courtship, engagement, wedding, first year, Alaskan cruise, pregnancy and Daniel's life...and the last two got me a bit nostalgic. If found four poems I wrote in the early weeks of pregnancy. This first is Hope.

Hope

In the stillness of night
I hope.
Underneath the covers
of our king size bed
my legs stretch toward my husband
and our feet touch.
We like to connect.
We need to connect.
Our family of four is still a family of two.
My hands reach down to my tummy
I say a prayer for my womb
And hope.
We have been here before...
The first time
We talked endlessly
Of nursery and names
But our child was born only to our hearts
leaving us alone with empty hands
and a loss of innocence.
The second time was a surprise
Good news and bad
All in the same heartbreaking day
This time we did not name our pain.
Three long months have passed
Three months of healing
Three months of hoping
Three months of grieving
the sadness of lingering longing.
I reach toward my husband
Again
We'll try again
With hope.

Jen de Jong
3/14/2008